When my mom turned 35 years old, I remember thinking "wow, mommy's old already". I secretly searched for gray hairs but found only a few strands. (Hmmm so maybe she's not THAT old yet) But you see at 35, mommy already had 4 kids and was pregnant with our youngest and one and only brother. Two of those kids were already in high school and I'm pretty sure things weren't all pink and rosy in our home then. We were 4 kids with different personalities and all of which are strongly opinionated. It must have been crazy times for my mom then.
At 35, I don't think I can ever compare to my mom. But I'd like to think that I make her proud somehow. (my mom seems to be quiet a mind-reader she sent me a very touching message containing an almost identical thought early this morning)
I am a grown (haha finally yes!), independent woman. and I am raising the most adorable kid of her time. (haha, indulge me. it's my birthday!) What more can a mother ask for? (Mommy apir!)
This year felt a little different though. I don't feel the same level of excitement that I did in my past birthdays (as you know i'm a sucker for surprises and celebrations - even if they're just simple ones). I'm a little melancholic to be honest. Worry occupies most of my brain space these days I could hardly make room for HAPPY anymore. And I badly miss the old, positive me. (dear positive me, where art thou?)
BUT like a kid growing in phases, I guess adults constantly go through that stage too. (Or maybe we never really do stop growing in phases, no?)
I do wish though that I get through this phase soon as it is not really fun to be in.
For now, I bask in the warm thought that I was gifted with another year. A blessing that is very, very priceless to me and my family. Hopefully, I make good use of this wonderful gift again in the coming year. I hope to touch more lives, inspire more people in my own little way, help make this world a better place in any way I can. I hope to be a better mother, a better wife, a better sibling, a better daughter, a better friend, a better mentor.
I really don't wish for anything more. Oh maybe good health and more strength to endure more challenges in long distance running. I am very easy to please and the Lord seems to know that pretty well. :) And in retrospect, it seems I've been in constant celebratory mood since the beginning of this year. I've been receiving blessings bit by bit starting from the time I official finished my (first) marathon. I like it better this way, blessings trickling slowly than them pouring all at the same time. I'm not good at handling things when I'm overwhelmed, you see.
So today, I am reminded again of how lucky I am. Co-workers took a few hours off their busy schedules to work on a surprise for me. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this poster that (I was told) they've labored on for almost half a day yesterday. They collected greetings from all of the people I work with every day (even the people from Japan). I feel so loved. And one of my teammates, surprised me with cupcakes (which I really have a huge weakness on) from Larcy's which I've been dying to try for so long now. The day just couldn't get any better.
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my instagram caption for this was: "My #goal is to achieve that body by end of this year..." Hahaha.
This was really hilarious |
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| Ain't they dainty? Taste really good too! Not too sweet. Just right for me. |
My daughter who has been singing the happy birthday song to me every morning since Saturday has been bugging me to reveal what kind of cake I am going to blow a candle from but I dismissed her request because I really wasn't in the mood for birthday candle blowing. Still somebody got me cupcakes with colorful candles to boot so later, the daughter and I will blow a candle together since I am bringing home a cupcake for her. :)
So much to thank for no? The gift of living and loving. It's all over. Sometimes you just have to open your heart wider to make way for them because some days it's just so huge you think something's missing but actually it's just so huge you don't feel it because your heart is not wide enough to receive it.
Okay, I better stop. I don't think I'm making any sense now. But yes, it's a happy day. No room for melancholy.
