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Monday, May 21, 2018

Flicker - Our Version of A Miracle

Some people welcome their 40s with a big celebration. After all, they always say that's when life begins.

Well I wanted to do the same. I planned to travel a lot, learn to drive, take guitar lessons, immerse myself researching on modern farming, spend more time painting and practicing calligraphy.

I liked planning ahead. I like being in control.

But God always has a way of letting you know who really is in control.

How I planned my life to begin at 40 isn't happening anymore. He had other plans. And the plan was to answer our - actually, MY - long-time prayer.

He sent us a miracle.

December last year, I visited my OB-Gyne to discuss the possibilities of a hysterectomy. In 2016, I was diagnosed with adenomyosis. It explained why we had trouble conceiving. It has been giving me so much pain and with no plans of trying for another baby, we have decided it's time to move forward.

Of course, though, the doctor's answer was a big NO. She still thought I was too young.

"Let's do an ultrasound first, then we'll talk again."

So after the holidays, I went for that ultrasound. It still showed the same thing. The adenomyosis even invited more people to the party - 3 small myomas and cysts in both ovaries. To cut the story short, it was a hostile environment. In my head, I thought - "see doc, it's time to take them all out".

But we never made it to the operating table. The next visit (just a month after that ultrasound) I paid to the doctor was to tell her the HPT I did that weekend came back positive.

"Hey doc, I'm pregnant"

Although we were ecstatic, Maia most especially, it was not an easy first trimester. I had to always remind myself to manage my expectations.

Yes, we all took the necessary care and precaution but I didn't want anyone coming out of all this heartbroken.

I needed to stay positive still. So despite the anxieties brought mostly about by hormones going wild - I took each day as miracles.

Come 13th week, we were finally cleared off our bedrest. Kerker (what we fondly call our growing fetus for now) is such a fighter.
On the first ultrasound at 6 weeks, we already saw good cardiac activity. On the 9th week, we saw how firmly he/she was implanted already.

Our next ultrasound is going to be on the 24th week for the Congenital Anomaly Scan. Doctor decided to postpone the gender reveal by then as well.

We are in no rush. We just want to take each moment in. Enjoy every bit of it.

We're only halfway through this journey. But I continue to hold on to the God's promise of this tiny miracle. He will hold our hand till Flicker's arrival.

For now, I leave you with photos from our DIY photoshoot last weekend. We took advantage of the decors that my co-workers set-up for my farewell party at work.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Why I Blog

I blog because it helps me make sense of nonsensical things.

I blog because it helps me clear my head and process unfolding events in a more organized perspective.

I blog because it challenges and improves my communication skills.

I blog because I always have the nagging feeling to take note of every milestone I go through - regardless of the significance or impact it has made on my life.

I blog because I always believe that knowledge is power and that somewhere out there someone may benefit from my experiences.

But of late, I stopped blogging.

I stopped because I couldn't see sense out of anything.

I stopped because I couldn't clear my head no matter how hard I try.

I stopped because I couldn't communicate anymore.

I stopped because I couldn't see any milestones happening anymore.

I stopped because knowing didn't feel good anymore. It felt destructive, in fact.

And then, one day I woke up and decided to shrug off all that negativity.

It's time to get myself together and start writing again.

Why? Because really...there is so much happening around me that is worth taking note of.
There is so much to document. And share.

Life is good. It is hard sometimes. But being alive and able to experience living is already great on it's own.

Photo Courtesy of Life Is Good

Sunday, September 7, 2014

One Day At A Time

Saw this in ETSY last night.

My mantra for these past few months has been this. Monday is always exceptional heavy for me. If I can just lock myself at home for one more extra day I would. But no, I have to pull myself up. Face the day with conviction and all the positivity that I can muster.

Hang in there people! Before we know it, Friday's already around the corner.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Slowly Picking Up The Pieces

I have been away for sometime. I have been in and out of not so good times. But things are starting to be pieced together now. And I can only hope it's heading for the better now. What else is left for me to do anyways.

For the most part, I only held on to prayers. And of course, my family. 

Half of the year is almost gone. I hope that the remaining half of it is going to be all perky and bright in here. Gotta stay hopeful, gotta hold on to that tinge of positivity that's left in me. 

Ahhh always, always stormy days at this time of the year for me. Have to always remember, it only gets better from here.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

On Making Choices

Just wanted to drop a quick hi! No i'm still not over my current predicaments but I do hope they will soon find their closures on their own. I sound really funny I know but when it's work issues I promised myself I will never, ever talk about them in detail here.

Apart from the eternal exhaustion, I do find silver linings on my daily struggles. I am learning a lot. And I really mean A LOT. That is enough for now. One day. My break will come. Note to self: Just sit tight. Be patient. Never forget.

Image Source

Thursday, March 20, 2014


My boss tells me I'm too optimistic.He wonders where I get it. When everything around me seems to be crumbling down.

He tells me that's good. But I should try to be cautiously optimistic.

I agree. But I don't have the slightest idea how to do that. Because I feel that the minute you start doubting your optimism (and creating plan B's, plan C's and D's) that's not being optimistic anymore.

So I would just rather remain as is right now. Cancer probably does that to you. Grows your faith. Keeps hope afloat on your side of the world.

Is being overly optimistic bad? They say anything in excess is always bad. Sigh.

AT this point though, I think staying a little more optimistic is the best thing for me to do. When I come to work, colleagues would ask where I get my energy or how do I keep my sanity intact despite every thing that's been happening around me lately. From my faith I guess. I learned how to surrender. And believe that every bad thing has an ending. And there is always a chance that tomorrow is going to be way better.


***all photos/quotes grabbed from Pinterest

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Recipe: Very Dark Chocolate Cookies (Just The Way We Like It!)

Did I mention baking pastries scares me?

But like a true-blue masochist I never give up. Today I tried baking another pastry recipe. I had a big bottle of dark chocolate spread that nobody wants to eat and an upcoming playdate for the little miss. I thought what perfect excuse for me to try testing my luck at failures once again.

I scoured food blogs for a cookie recipe that's easy to follow and one that lists most of the ingredients I already have on hand. And this is the closest recipe I found. Except for the mixer, I have everything else on the list. So off I went to get my hands busy.

After about 12 minutes of baking, the cookies just came out perfect! Perfect even if just in my book.

Yields: 2 dozen 2 inch bite sized cookies
prep time: 1 hr and 30 (including freezing time)
baking time: 10-12 mins per batch

What You Will Need:

1 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt (omit if using salter butter)
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 c butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup chocolate spread (the recipe called for nutella but I only have Nusco dark chocolate spread on hand)
1/3 cup full cream milk
chocolate buttons for topping (I used Goya dark chocolate buttons)

How I did it:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees Farenheit (about 200 degrees Celcius)

2. Whisk together flour, cocoa powder and baking powder.

3. Cream butter and sugar until smooth (on electric mix 2 mins medium speed). Add the extracts and beat for another 30 secs. Add chocolate spread until thoroughly mix and consistency is smooth.

4. Add half of dry ingredients and mix. Next add milk and mix. Add remaining dry ingredients and mix completely.

5. I took the mixture out of the bowl and shaped it into a log after. I covered it with plastic wrap and refrigerated it for about 20-30 minutes (You can also make this 2-3 days ahead and just store in the fridge)

6. When you are ready to bake, grease your baking pan or line it with baking sheet/parchment paper. Cut the cookie dough in your desired thickness and size (our was about half an inch thick and 2 inch wide, just bite size piece). Roll it into a ball and flatten with your palms. I pressed a piece of chocolate buttons in the center since I'm a real chocoholic but you can opt to add a piece of walnut (or pecans or marshmallow) as well if you would prefer to use other toppings.

7. Bake for about 10-12 mins. Take out of the oven and let cool for about 5 mins.

Enjoy with your favorite tea, coffee or ice cream!
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