Dear Perfect [preschooler] Yaya

Our favorite of them all. Ate Inday.
Puerto Princesa airport.

After going through several nanny heartbreaks and eventually moving on, I thought it might serve us well if I list down the points that I would want to discuss with first and foremost with our prospective [perfect] nanny with the hope that they may guide and help Tibs and me make better decisions and choices. I know that I'm dreaming BIG when I say I now want the next one to be perfect. But who knows, right? 

In the meantime, [while we search and search for the elusive perfect nanny] we took in somebody who we thought was good enough. But since our earlier definition of good enough was very ambiguous and relative we ended up with someone that doesn't even meet half of our expectations. I am hoping that by coming up with this list (which I will probably update from time to time) I would eventually be able to come up with a more specific and concrete definition of what good enough is in our household. Good enough might eventually be synonymous to perfect, who knows again. What's important is we have this guide. 

When I finally cross paths with you and accept you in our home, I would like to be assured -

1. That you be familiar with local vegetables and would know how to prepare, cook and eat them. We would really like for you to feed Maia healthy, nutritious food.

2. That you make the effort to earn our trust and not assume that we already put our full trust on you when we decided to hire you.

3. That you stick to the schedules that we tell you especially on FEEDING and SLEEPING.

Ate Bebing. She fattened Maia up.
She was the most patient when it came to feeding chores.

4. That you exercise (using gentle persuasion) your authority as an adult over my kid. The reason why we got somebody to watch over her is because we recognize that she is still not fully capable of making the right decisions. So when she demands to eat chocolate for lunch, you should know that chocolate is not considered as a meal.

5. That you respect our household rules.

6. That since a phone is provided, you let me know when something is not right. And when I say you let me know, I mean RIGHT away. 


7. That when you’re with my kid, you pay full attention to her. We don’t prohibit the use of phones, but even us are not with our phones 24/7. When we’re at work, we focus on our work.


8. Violence is banned in our household. And that includes violence against animals, insects and every living thing you see within the parameters of our household. Yes. I do not encourage you killing a helpless spider in front of my kid. That is beyond horrible.


9. Profanity is prohibited in our household. And when I say prohibited TALAGANG BAWAL PO. So when I catch you, please expect an earful from me. (the kid is really like a sponge you know.)


10. We encourage you to be observant. Our ways and norms can be easily learned, if you just observe. We don’t shout. We don’t hit. And we demand you do the same whenever you’re around her.

Ate Belen. She was Maia's best friend.
But she was really loud so I avoided conversing with her because I'd always get irritated.

That is all I could come up for now. But I am sure this list will grow. For now I just really wanted to write these thoughts down before I forget about them again.

Nanny Heartbreak

Nanny problems are not new to me. I have actually gone through a lot since I got pregnant but I do not know why each time I come across another nanny problem, I always get all emotional and stressed out. 

As full-time working-out-of-the home parents, we are very dependent on the caregiver-nanny-yaya-whatever-you-may-call-it that we get for our daughter. When we screen we try to make sure that their personality suits that of our daughter. We try to make sure as well that regardless of their age they can easily follow our instructions and that they understand that WE are the parents and that we always make the call when it comes to our daughter. But apart from that, what we try to make sure when we interview is that they are the type who could stay long with an employer. And usually, at the onset, they do appear passionate with taking care of the kid. They listen to and follow instructions well. They're easy to deal with. 

Fast forward however to (let's see, I've almost lost count) the 6th nanny and we're still searching for the ONE. The last nanny that left us had an impressive record of a 7-year stay with previous employer with whom she was never granted vacation days. With us she was entitled to a 2-week vacation with pay, bonuses and Philhealth but when she went home to Antique for a supposedly one-week vacation (she was with us for 6 months) she decided not to come back citing domestic problems as a reason. This last one really broke my heart. I always thought that goodness only leads to goodness. Love begets love. And I tried to show her nothing but goodness. Maia loved her dearly despite several quirks that I personally would have had difficulty living with (if not for Maia). I wonder now if I shouldn't have been extra nice with her and instead followed the previous employer's strategy, would she still be with us?

You know how it's like when a boyfriend who you think was already the ONE suddenly breaks up with you? That's how I feel like at this moment. Tibs is having difficulty understanding that but he will have to live with this for a while.

How do I exactly find the perfect nanny? Does she exist? And what should one do to keep them from leaving? Apart from the compensation, the benefits/perks, the household treatment, what else? My daughter is almost the perfect  ward. She's at this age where she loves to point out to people that she's already grown up and that she can take care of herself. She's very independent. She knows how to entertain herself, feed herself, even make her own milk. She's careful with fragile things.  She cleans up her mess (i mean literally, by the way). She's not a handful to take care of because she rarely throws tantrums around people she considers 'friends'. She likes to throw tantrums though when she's sure mom and dad is around. But never with 'other' people. So I ask, why would they ever think of leaving her?

I'm really heartbroken right now. But I know this will come to pass. For the meantime, I will have to fake a smile and try my hardest to be cheery because the little girl is already looking forward to spending a wonderful weekend with her mom and dad. Sigh.