Well I wanted to do the same. I planned to travel a lot, learn to drive, take guitar lessons, immerse myself researching on modern farming, spend more time painting and practicing calligraphy.
I liked planning ahead. I like being in control.
But God always has a way of letting you know who really is in control.
How I planned my life to begin at 40 isn't happening anymore. He had other plans. And the plan was to answer our - actually, MY - long-time prayer.
He sent us a miracle.
December last year, I visited my OB-Gyne to discuss the possibilities of a hysterectomy. In 2016, I was diagnosed with adenomyosis. It explained why we had trouble conceiving. It has been giving me so much pain and with no plans of trying for another baby, we have decided it's time to move forward.
Of course, though, the doctor's answer was a big NO. She still thought I was too young.
"Let's do an ultrasound first, then we'll talk again."
So after the holidays, I went for that ultrasound. It still showed the same thing. The adenomyosis even invited more people to the party - 3 small myomas and cysts in both ovaries. To cut the story short, it was a hostile environment. In my head, I thought - "see doc, it's time to take them all out".
But we never made it to the operating table. The next visit (just a month after that ultrasound) I paid to the doctor was to tell her the HPT I did that weekend came back positive.
"Hey doc, I'm pregnant"
Although we were ecstatic, Maia most especially, it was not an easy first trimester. I had to always remind myself to manage my expectations.
Yes, we all took the necessary care and precaution but I didn't want anyone coming out of all this heartbroken.
I needed to stay positive still. So despite the anxieties brought mostly about by hormones going wild - I took each day as miracles.
Come 13th week, we were finally cleared off our bedrest. Kerker (what we fondly call our growing fetus for now) is such a fighter.
On the first ultrasound at 6 weeks, we already saw good cardiac activity. On the 9th week, we saw how firmly he/she was implanted already.
Our next ultrasound is going to be on the 24th week for the Congenital Anomaly Scan. Doctor decided to postpone the gender reveal by then as well.
We are in no rush. We just want to take each moment in. Enjoy every bit of it.
We're only halfway through this journey. But I continue to hold on to the God's promise of this tiny miracle. He will hold our hand till Flicker's arrival.
For now, I leave you with photos from our DIY photoshoot last weekend. We took advantage of the decors that my co-workers set-up for my farewell party at work.
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