Transitioning and Coping

It's been more than 3 months since I gave up my job. I was a corporate slave since 2001. It was indeed to put it lightly - a major shift. But surprisingly, I'm transitioning really well (gauging by my emotional state at the moment).

When my husband and I shared this plan to some friends and family a couple of years ago, we were met with a lot of "apprehensions" and raised eyebrows. Did we think it through? Can't we just take a break?

While majority were cynical, there were a few who showed great support after hearing our rationale behind the decision. Even our company director did not hesitate to show support. Yes, I gave up what would probably have been a good career path given the growing team that I was leaving behind. If there was one thing I feel sad about leaving, it was giving up the chance to mentor and coach my new hires. Which I know has great potential, if only they're taught well. But I have great confidence in that they will blossom in their own perfect time. As long as they keep the fire of learning alive.

Other than that, I was ready. When the time came to pack my things, I walked out of the building with a light heart. I didn't even take a peek. I just walked straight ahead.

So what's keeping me busy these days?

Well, for one, I'm now 8 months pregnant so nesting instincts are on high at the moment. We have this room which ended up being a semi-bodega and I finally was able to clean it out, sort out the 'usables' from the 'throwables' and even manage to put up some in an online garage sale. I proved that there is definitely "pera sa basura". (Bubble thought: I can make a career out of this)

I am now about one-third away from finally finishing Kafka on the Shore which I started reading last quarter of 2017. Haha. It's record breaking considering the last time I finished a book was maybe 3 or 4 years ago (The Gift of an Ordinary Day, great book by the way).

I finished 3 tiny booties. And 2 petal flowers which I can make into a headband for Baby K.

I paint. And do some calligraphy practices. Although not as often as I'd hope I would. (And yes! I'm writing again!!! Isn't that amazing?)

I spend a ridiculous amount of time on Facebook. Hahaha.

So yes, I am transitioning really well. I miss checking my payslip come payday (like today, for example). But those things I can live without (with the right mindset, family goals and budgeting skills of course).

I now live for days when I see my daughter come home looking so cheerful because she knows I'm the one opening the door for her. And she can immediately share her day to me. She does this with no fail since school started. And I am learning and getting to know her more these days.

And look from my husband's face when he smells freshly cooked dinner when he gets home. He tells me waking up so early at 5am and scrambling to get to work early so he can leave early is all worth it. Because we all get to spend dinner time together.

Another major change is coming very soon. We used to be anxious about changes. Maybe this is how a 40-year-old mind works. Maybe it's a sign that we've matured. Maybe it's just us finally accepting that we're now adults.

All is good.

Flicker - Our Version of A Miracle

Some people welcome their 40s with a big celebration. After all, they always say that's when life begins.

Well I wanted to do the same. I planned to travel a lot, learn to drive, take guitar lessons, immerse myself researching on modern farming, spend more time painting and practicing calligraphy.

I liked planning ahead. I like being in control.

But God always has a way of letting you know who really is in control.

How I planned my life to begin at 40 isn't happening anymore. He had other plans. And the plan was to answer our - actually, MY - long-time prayer.

He sent us a miracle.

December last year, I visited my OB-Gyne to discuss the possibilities of a hysterectomy. In 2016, I was diagnosed with adenomyosis. It explained why we had trouble conceiving. It has been giving me so much pain and with no plans of trying for another baby, we have decided it's time to move forward.

Of course, though, the doctor's answer was a big NO. She still thought I was too young.

"Let's do an ultrasound first, then we'll talk again."

So after the holidays, I went for that ultrasound. It still showed the same thing. The adenomyosis even invited more people to the party - 3 small myomas and cysts in both ovaries. To cut the story short, it was a hostile environment. In my head, I thought - "see doc, it's time to take them all out".

But we never made it to the operating table. The next visit (just a month after that ultrasound) I paid to the doctor was to tell her the HPT I did that weekend came back positive.

"Hey doc, I'm pregnant"

Although we were ecstatic, Maia most especially, it was not an easy first trimester. I had to always remind myself to manage my expectations.

Yes, we all took the necessary care and precaution but I didn't want anyone coming out of all this heartbroken.

I needed to stay positive still. So despite the anxieties brought mostly about by hormones going wild - I took each day as miracles.

Come 13th week, we were finally cleared off our bedrest. Kerker (what we fondly call our growing fetus for now) is such a fighter.
On the first ultrasound at 6 weeks, we already saw good cardiac activity. On the 9th week, we saw how firmly he/she was implanted already.

Our next ultrasound is going to be on the 24th week for the Congenital Anomaly Scan. Doctor decided to postpone the gender reveal by then as well.

We are in no rush. We just want to take each moment in. Enjoy every bit of it.

We're only halfway through this journey. But I continue to hold on to the God's promise of this tiny miracle. He will hold our hand till Flicker's arrival.

For now, I leave you with photos from our DIY photoshoot last weekend. We took advantage of the decors that my co-workers set-up for my farewell party at work.

Why I Blog

I blog because it helps me make sense of nonsensical things.

I blog because it helps me clear my head and process unfolding events in a more organized perspective.

I blog because it challenges and improves my communication skills.

I blog because I always have the nagging feeling to take note of every milestone I go through - regardless of the significance or impact it has made on my life.

I blog because I always believe that knowledge is power and that somewhere out there someone may benefit from my experiences.

But of late, I stopped blogging.

I stopped because I couldn't see sense out of anything.

I stopped because I couldn't clear my head no matter how hard I try.

I stopped because I couldn't communicate anymore.

I stopped because I couldn't see any milestones happening anymore.

I stopped because knowing didn't feel good anymore. It felt destructive, in fact.

And then, one day I woke up and decided to shrug off all that negativity.

It's time to get myself together and start writing again.

Why? Because really...there is so much happening around me that is worth taking note of.

There is so much to document. And share.

Life is good. It is hard sometimes. But being alive and able to experience living is already great on it's own.

Agree?

Photo Courtesy of Life Is Good

One Day At A Time

Saw this in ETSY last night.

My mantra for these past few months has been this. Monday is always exceptional heavy for me. If I can just lock myself at home for one more extra day I would. But no, I have to pull myself up. Face the day with conviction and all the positivity that I can muster.

Hang in there people! Before we know it, Friday's already around the corner.

Slowly Picking Up The Pieces

I have been away for sometime. I have been in and out of not so good times. But things are starting to be pieced together now. And I can only hope it's heading for the better now. What else is left for me to do anyways.

For the most part, I only held on to prayers. And of course, my family. 

Half of the year is almost gone. I hope that the remaining half of it is going to be all perky and bright in here. Gotta stay hopeful, gotta hold on to that tinge of positivity that's left in me. 

Ahhh always, always stormy days at this time of the year for me. Have to always remember, it only gets better from here.

On Making Choices

Just wanted to drop a quick hi! No i'm still not over my current predicaments but I do hope they will soon find their closures on their own. I sound really funny I know but when it's work issues I promised myself I will never, ever talk about them in detail here.

Apart from the eternal exhaustion, I do find silver linings on my daily struggles. I am learning a lot. And I really mean A LOT. That is enough for now. One day. My break will come. Note to self: Just sit tight. Be patient. Never forget.

Image Source

Optimism

My boss tells me I'm too optimistic.He wonders where I get it. When everything around me seems to be crumbling down.

He tells me that's good. But I should try to be cautiously optimistic.

I agree. But I don't have the slightest idea how to do that. Because I feel that the minute you start doubting your optimism (and creating plan B's, plan C's and D's) that's not being optimistic anymore.

So I would just rather remain as is right now. Cancer probably does that to you. Grows your faith. Keeps hope afloat on your side of the world.

Is being overly optimistic bad? They say anything in excess is always bad. Sigh.

AT this point though, I think staying a little more optimistic is the best thing for me to do. When I come to work, colleagues would ask where I get my energy or how do I keep my sanity intact despite every thing that's been happening around me lately. From my faith I guess. I learned how to surrender. And believe that every bad thing has an ending. And there is always a chance that tomorrow is going to be way better.

Right?

***all photos/quotes grabbed from Pinterest