Transitioning and Coping

It's been more than 3 months since I gave up my job. I was a corporate slave since 2001. It was indeed to put it lightly - a major shift. But surprisingly, I'm transitioning really well (gauging by my emotional state at the moment).

When my husband and I shared this plan to some friends and family a couple of years ago, we were met with a lot of "apprehensions" and raised eyebrows. Did we think it through? Can't we just take a break?

While majority were cynical, there were a few who showed great support after hearing our rationale behind the decision. Even our company director did not hesitate to show support. Yes, I gave up what would probably have been a good career path given the growing team that I was leaving behind. If there was one thing I feel sad about leaving, it was giving up the chance to mentor and coach my new hires. Which I know has great potential, if only they're taught well. But I have great confidence in that they will blossom in their own perfect time. As long as they keep the fire of learning alive.

Other than that, I was ready. When the time came to pack my things, I walked out of the building with a light heart. I didn't even take a peek. I just walked straight ahead.

So what's keeping me busy these days?

Well, for one, I'm now 8 months pregnant so nesting instincts are on high at the moment. We have this room which ended up being a semi-bodega and I finally was able to clean it out, sort out the 'usables' from the 'throwables' and even manage to put up some in an online garage sale. I proved that there is definitely "pera sa basura". (Bubble thought: I can make a career out of this)

I am now about one-third away from finally finishing Kafka on the Shore which I started reading last quarter of 2017. Haha. It's record breaking considering the last time I finished a book was maybe 3 or 4 years ago (The Gift of an Ordinary Day, great book by the way).

I finished 3 tiny booties. And 2 petal flowers which I can make into a headband for Baby K.

I paint. And do some calligraphy practices. Although not as often as I'd hope I would. (And yes! I'm writing again!!! Isn't that amazing?)

I spend a ridiculous amount of time on Facebook. Hahaha.

So yes, I am transitioning really well. I miss checking my payslip come payday (like today, for example). But those things I can live without (with the right mindset, family goals and budgeting skills of course).

I now live for days when I see my daughter come home looking so cheerful because she knows I'm the one opening the door for her. And she can immediately share her day to me. She does this with no fail since school started. And I am learning and getting to know her more these days.

And look from my husband's face when he smells freshly cooked dinner when he gets home. He tells me waking up so early at 5am and scrambling to get to work early so he can leave early is all worth it. Because we all get to spend dinner time together.

Another major change is coming very soon. We used to be anxious about changes. Maybe this is how a 40-year-old mind works. Maybe it's a sign that we've matured. Maybe it's just us finally accepting that we're now adults.

All is good.

The Marathon Dream

I remember saying last year that it's probably going to take me a few more years to run in the Skyway again after finishing my first half-marathon there. But a lot could happen in a year. And I am now taking that statement back.

I planned to get pregnant in 2012. I was dead set on doing that because due to my health condition, I was told it might not be wise for me to get pregnant past 36. And I so wanted another kid. I know I have plenty of room to love another one. And I miss the smell of an infant. I miss getting just two hours of sleep everyday (masochista lang talaga). The little miss was also already asking for a sibling. 2012 just seemed to be the perfect time then to give the kid what she wanted. And I feel so ready. But life and the husband didn't get my memo as they both have other plans. And so I had to let that one go for now. I had to move on to the next best thing. 

And that next best thing is to run my first marathon before my 35th birthday. 

I never bothered to start a bucket list when I was younger, but if I had one, this would definitely fall on my top 10 (maybe even top 3). I couldn't count how many times I've read testimonies from marathon finishers claiming that reaching the finish line on their first marathon is one major life-changing event. And after finishing two half-marathons, I know they were telling the truth.

And so I managed to convince my husband. We are officially signed up now and there's no turning back. We're on week 6 of our training now and we've been nailing our mileage requirements like pros. So yes, we're just right on track. Some days, I would get the nerves and throw myself into a little play of doubts but the minute I put on my shoes and start running all those doubts just melt away and I'm suddenly washed over by excitement. 

We still got a long way to go and  definitely a lot of kilometers to burn (will probably need to replace shoes soon too). But I've never worked this hard for something in my entire 34 years I might as well just double the hardwork so I MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE. 

Marathon Diaries: Aiming For The Stars Now

I started my marathon training today. Last week, I plotted my training days on this Marathon Finisher Plan that I downloaded from Nike Running. As I was looking at the first 8 weeks, I was pretty sure I can handle them easily. I started doubting myself though the minute my eyes fell on 16 miles. Then a question suddenly popped in my head (think thought balloon) - WHAT THE HELL AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO?

Deja vu. Of exactly one year past.

Unlike most serious marathon trainers, I do not have a real (what do i mean by this?) training plan in mind. Nor a training coach. Except for my competitive husband (who doesn't like training with me) and that downloaded training plan, I have nothing else. Well maybe the motivation of finally crossing out this item on my bucket list that says - RUN AND FINISH A MARATHON BEFORE MY 35TH BIRTHDAY. I have less than a year to do that. Although (yes, you got me there) that bucket list is honestly non-existent I still have several things (at the back of my mind) that I would really wish to achieve or experience before well to say it bluntly, I die. And a marathon finish is one of them. Alongside maybe, several dream places to travel, concerts (or rather bands) to see and items to own (yes, i do crave for material things too). After serious contemplation, my husband and I decided that we will try our luck at making our first marathon finish at Condura Skyway Marathon again. If you would remember, it's the same race where I ran my first half-marathon. Condura is  less than 4 months away (roughly). So really, I have about 3 months to train. And I mean seriously, T.R.A.I.N.

I think I can handle the mileage requirement. The scheduled days of the runs are just the right fit to my rather unpredictable life as a working mom to an audacious preschooler. But what concerns me the most are those days on the training plan that were marked - CROSS TRAIN. It suggests of weight training which I have no single clue of. I've also read somewhere that the best cross training exercises for marathons are biking and swimming. Biking and swimming (two things that I never learned and most likely will never learn to do) - if I take that suggestion seriously I might interpret it as a sign that I should not push through with this crazy idea anymore. But I am going to throw that out the window and carry on with this as boldly as I possibly can.

Maybe I can make use of some of the suggested exercises in this guide from Runner's World or this guide from Active.com. I'm sure the internet is a treasure trove in itself. I could try You Tube as well. I know that I have very weak endurance and I have to especially work on that since I've never been spared of cramps before. But there are still several half-marathons lined up this year that I can join just to prove that I can finish without a cramp attack. I also have very strong lungs. And a huge fighting spirit (check back with me again in December, will you? hahaha). SO...I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS.

One Off My Bucket List - Smashing Pumpkins In Manila

At the risk of being branded insensitive and apathetic (considering the tragedy caused by Habagat to our country), I would like to report that last night was just a BLAST! Yes, I got the chance to cross one off my bucket list.

I reckon if melodrama was human we are probably twins. I live for it. I write better when I'm at my saddest. I get more inspiration listening to sad songs. This is probably why I am drawn to Smashing Pumpkins. Billy Corgan writes the saddest (and some angriest) songs I've ever listened to. They reek of emotions and spot on honesty. Any teenager carrying a bucketful of angst with him would easily relate to their songs. 

The minute I got the hubby's permission to go and see them, I set out to familiarize myself with the band's latest album - Oceania.  I thought maybe Billy wouldn't play much of our old favorites plus I listened to this video interview that a friend shared. I just wanted to be armed and ready. And well, enjoy the concert as well. The album was on heavy rotation on my music player the weeks prior to the concert schedule. I ran with it often. I didn't stop till the melodies were playing in my head. 

Unfortunately, most of the people who came didn't think like me (or rather that's how I perceived the audience's reaction when the band started playing songs from the recent album). None of the songs elicited the same wild reactions from the audience as the second set when they played old favorites although I personally think a lot of the new songs were just as equally good as the band's previous hits. I didn't let that get to me though, I still stood up and sang at the top of my lungs when they played my favorite tracks in the new album (Violet rays, The Celestials, Pinwheels, One Diamond One Heart, Inkless). 

Here's a copy of the playlist (I can't say if it's really the original copy but this was the same sequence of the songs the band played at the SPPH concert if my memory serves me right):

PHOTO SOURCE

We were supposed to go to this concert with 3 other couple friends but in the end, it was just us who made it. Everyone else had difficulty getting to Araneta that day because of the floods caused by heavy rains brought by the monsoon (hello there Habagat). While I was making my way towards the MRT, I had this strong feeling that the odds are going our way that day. Since I couldn't miss work anymore, I had to come from Cavite that day. I was already prepared to miss the first few songs being aware that the show starts at 830 and I might not get lucky enough lining up at the MRT. But lo and behold, the train station was almost empty that day. No long lines and the riders didn't look like sardines in a can. I was in Araneta 15 minutes after and the hubs and I were still able to grab a quick bite at KFC before heading off to the biggest concert I will witness in this lifetime. (Come here, U2 and I will rephrase this and call it the 2nd biggest instead! haha balimbing). 

We got in around 815 and was expecting the coliseum to be half-empty. It was. But 830 passed and there was nary a sign of the band coming out of the backstage. Several soundchecks were made but there wasn't any indication that the show is starting anytime soon. I would later find out that the bassist, Nicole Fiorentino, had announced in Twitter that they decided to push the show 30 minutes later to give way for others who would have difficulty getting to Araneta (read: wade thru flooded streets and fight through torrential rains). And yes, by 9pm the show was almost packed. People made it!!! And nobody minded the waiting. All for the love of music, eh!

stage (photo by mark terence sy grabbed from facebook)

I am not a concert reviewer/critique so I will leave the commentaries to the experts. What I can say though was this was ALL worth it. Had our budget permitted a VIP ticket, I wouldn't have regretted getting it. It was a 3-hour show 95% of which was just with the band play nothing but beautiful nostalgic music. Billy appeared to have no fondness on interacting with the audience but who cares, he played great music. And to me that's all that mattered really.

I didn't bring anything with me that time. Tibs accidentally left the flip at home. And I didn't have a camera with me. Not even a point and shoot. I took a few photos using my phone but they were not good enough to share anyways so I'm saving them for personal viewing. And I stopped thinking about documenting the entire concert as soon as the band starting playing. I didn't care anymore if I didn't have pictures to show. I have the entire concert saved in my internal memory (hahaha memory plus gold lang ang katapat nyan). After the 3-hour show was over, I lost my voice. But I was in very high spirits. I had a BIG smile plastered on my face. You wouldn't dare wipe it because I doubt you could at that point anyways. I listened to sad songs but I was at my happiest. Couldn't get anymore confusing that that, eh? But that's me. I love sad music and I'm complicated.

i forgot where i grabbed this photo but thank you whoever you are for sharing it!

I sure hope the band will decide to come back. I still have a lot of friends who are hoping they would. And I will willingly watch with them again. In a heartbeat.